Your Tone Shapes How People See You

This morning, I stopped by a coffee shop to grab a cup of coffee. But what happened while I was waiting in line left a bit of an impression on me.

There was a woman in front of me, talking to the cashier while she was on the phone. It looked like she was checking if her friend wanted to order something too. Then she started listing a bunch of items—coffee and a few meals—all while continuing her phone conversation.

I could see the cashier trying to confirm the order, but the woman was still busy talking on the phone.

After she paid, she moved aside and waited patiently at first. But just as her order was nearly ready, she suddenly asked, “Why is one of the items missing?”

That is when things got tense.

She raised her voice, demanding, “Where is the receipt? Is it your habit not to read the receipt?” She grabbed the receipt roughly, scanned it quickly, then snapped, “I already told you over and over that I want to order chicken with cheese buldak!”

The cashier, thankfully, stayed calm and asked gently, “I will get it ready now. Which part of the chicken did you want?”

There was a moment of silence. The woman stared at her, visibly upset, then said sharply, “Breast. I already told you over and over that I want a breast!”

I could feel the tension in the room. It was uncomfortable to watch. And to be honest, I felt irritated. Maybe the cashier did miss part of her order. But then again, the woman might not have said it clearly—or even forgot to mention it—since she was so focused on her phone call.

I get why she was frustrated. No one likes having to wait longer than expected. But raising your voice or blaming someone does not really help. It just makes things more awkward. I mean, even I could not help but look her up and down, quietly judging.

Risking how others see and relate to you

That moment got me thinking. Situations like that do not just happen in coffee shops. They happen at work too. Maybe you are emailing a vendor about an issue, apologizing to a client, or updating your boss about a problem in the office. The message itself might be clear. But the tone? That is often where things go wrong.

Using an aggressive or sarcastic tone with a vendor can make them stop engaging. If your apology sounds too casual, it might come off as insincere—like you are not really taking responsibility. And when you sound unsure or hesitant in an email to your boss, it could make them question your confidence or capability.

So yes, tone really does matter. If you get it wrong, it can damage your reputation and strain your relationships with others.

Choose the right words

So, what is tone, really?

In writing, tone is the attitude behind your words. It is how you show intention. It is not just what you say, but how you say it. That is why choosing the right words matters. They help make sure your message lands the way you mean it to.

Bagas Tutuko, an Account Manager at B/NDL Studios, makes it a habit to use a positive tone in his emails. Not just to sound polite, but to build better relationships with clients. “I try to reframe negative sentences into positive ones,” he explained. “For example, instead of saying ‘do not be late’, I’ll say things like ‘please be on time’.”

Bagas adjusts his tone depending on the situation. When negotiating corporate training fees over email, for example, he often uses a persuasive and consultative tone. “My goal is not just to defend the price,” he explained. “It is to help them see what they are getting at that price, and how it supports the training outcomes they are aiming for. That way, they can reconsider their decision, and we can work toward a win-win solution.”

So whether you are writing an email or dealing with a frustrating moment like the woman in the coffee shop, take a breath before you respond. Ask yourself: what tone do I want to use? Because it’s not just about getting your message across. It also shapes how people see you.

If I were that woman, I might have said something like: “Hi, can I check the receipt real quick? I thought I ordered the chicken buldak with cheese, but I do not see it here. Maybe I missed it because I was on the phone. Is it still possible to add it?”

Still honest, still clear. And that makes the whole situation easier for everyone, including the cashier and the people around.

If you want to get better at delivering your message, especially in writing, consider joining “The CGF Workshop: Clarity, Structure, and Precision in Strategic Business Writing and Communication”, which helps you sharpen your thinking. Clear thinking leads to clear communication. Once you master that, your message will not just be heard. It will be understood. It will be felt.

In the end, how we say something often speaks louder than what we say.

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Nia Janiar

Lead Writer at B/NDL Studios. With over a decade of writing experience, she crafts everything from annual reports and social media posts to personal essays.